Talk Dirty To Me: The Psychology of Dirty Talk

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Think about how attractive you find them, how good it feels to be connected to them, or how badly you want them. It will get you both going so fast, you’ll probably forget you were worried in the first place. If you’re a little on the shy side, you’re probably all too familiar with this. Sex, something movies portray as the most graceful act in human nature, suddenly feels more like having stage fright in front of a harsh audience. Dirty talk can bring you and your partner closer, help you explore what turns you both on, and, most importantly, make sex so much more enjoyable. These 10 tips should definitely help ease you into it.

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• “Moans are great, followed by things like, ‘Yesssss… and ‘right there,’ or ‘lower!
• Maybe it’s something your partner did over dinner that really got you going.
• But if you want to take it to the next level, try talking to your partner about what sort of words, phrases, and tones turn each of you on.
• Start with phrases that are simple and that make sense.

The brain sets off an individual’s sex drive and is considered a more powerful sexual organ than the male and female genital composition. Two areas of the brain are involved during intercourse- the imagination areas of the brain and the frontal cortex responsible for judgment and pleasure. Erotic talk arouses these two areas by letting partners verbalize thoughts and desires about sex; it can initiate foreplay hours or days before the actual act. “I can’t wait to feel the inside of you,” my husband said after a week-long business trip. The mere thought of it sent my mind into a frenzy the whole day before he arrived in the evening. It’s a lot like sexting in this way — the specifics of getting into lush detail or using just the right words aren’t actually important, it’s just about effectively communicating the intensity of how you feel.

Start with Softcore Dirty Talk

’ Drake says what works best here is to use phrases and terminology that are part of your normal vocabulary—just emphasize their sexiness. So if the thought of it makes you cringe but you’d still like to give it a try, we’ve got you—here’s a beginner’s guide to dirty talk. If you’re not together, take the opportunity to text her something very dirty. Not only will you make her feel horny while away from you, it’ll also increase the anticipation for a great time later. You need to get her mind racing, you need to make her visualize the words you say, and you need to transport her mentally to a place of sexual bliss.

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But if you want to take it to the next level, try talking to your partner about what sort of words, phrases, and tones turn each of you on. While this may sound clinical, it doesn’t have to be. Depending on the way you set up the conversation, talking about sexy talk can pretty easily lead to actual sexy talking, so it’s a great form of foreplay. Dirty talk has so many exhilarating qualities, but at the end of the day, it’s not the most important thing.

Trust that your partner wants to pleasure you, not someone else. If you’re feeling demure and gentle, go with that instinct. If you’re feeling a bit naughtier than usual, play with that. There is no right or wrong path to take, unless it’s not true to your needs. Most men (and women) don’t go to strip clubs because they’re some kind of dysfunctional pervert.

When we look past the kinkiness, we may find there’s more to dirty talk than our desire to bring out our wild side. When you’re looking to spice things up in the bedroom, dirty talk can be a fun thing to turn to. At face value, dirty talk seems relatively straightforward and easy.

Unless you’ve discussed it beforehand and your partner is OK with it, there is absolutely zero reason to boss your partner around or demand that they perform certain sex acts. That can lead to her feeling pressured or coerced into doing things she doesn’t want to do, and there’s nothing sexy about that. Now, we’d both done some pretty intense dirty talk in the past.

You could pretend your partner is a police officer who would rather have sex with you than give you the speeding ticket you deserve. Maybe you could pretend your partner is your lover and you only have an hour with them before your husband or wife gets home. This may not be for everyone, but it’s a great thing to try if you feel like there’s not enough juice in your sexual material at the moment. Maybe you’re afraid your partner is expecting you to be a porn star in bed, saying all the nastiest and raunchiest things imaginable. Dirty talk has nothing to do with being a wanton sex maniac and you shouldn’t feel pressured into emulating one. The beauty of sex is how different it is with everyone, how unique an experience it is with each person.

Want to share a fantasy about living on a deserted island where there are only the two of you? Or, want to pretend that a party is winding down and there are only a few of you left and things get more playful? “Because sexy talk can be about fantasy, it can offer people a way to play in a certain domain without wanting to, or being able to, engage in those behaviors,” says Gowan. But if the timing does feel right, dirty talk is a great way to increase both your emotional and physical connection. In fact, erotic talk can boost sex drive and arousal, per a Women’s Health UK report.

But before you start dropping lines from the last porn clip you watched and hoping for the best, there are some steps you should take that will help things go smoothly and make dirty talk hotter for both of you. There’s nothing off-limits as long as it’s true to who you and your partner are. “I think to be able to talk dirty in bed starts with you being comfortable in your own skin,” says adult star Daizha Morgann. Once you’re fully feeling it, don’t be afraid to let your partner know what you want. Take control by giving them instructions on exactly what feels good for you. “Dirty talk doesn’t have to be raunchy, but it can if you want it to be!